The article from the Huffington Post that I mentioned yesterday was really interesting. According to Carol Brody Fleet in her article, "Forget-Me-Bever: The Reality of Remarriage After Widowhood", the idea of being remarried nulls the thoughts of your dead spouse.
Really?
Yes, this is what some people think. Myself? I don't think you can ever forget or stop loving someone that you have been married to, ever... I was married before and divorced. That in itself is a touchy subject to many... but because I got divorced doesn't mean that I didn't or don't love my ex. Seriously, you don't just stop loving someone, even if they do really bad things and you begin to hate them enough to divorce them... you still love them. You still have that past with them...
I think Ms. Fleet said it well when she wrote about this myth:
"(it) implies that once remarried, the life previously lived somehow fades into oblivion because the widowed has now found new life with a new love in it."
This is so true, I know other widows that are remarried and still grieving. They are probably grieving just as much as I am. I wonder how it is with their current spouses. Do they feel jealousy? Would I be able to be a spouse to someone who was grieving the loss of a wife? I would love that person because they are holding that love close to their hearts, but at the same time, I probably would have some jealousy.
Petty to say that, but it is the truth for me.
I haven't remarried yet. I still hold out the possibility, but it is really slight. Don't get me wrong, I am not currently seeking a new spouse, but I am not adverse to the thought of finding someone that I would want to marry. But boy, they would have to be pretty special. The thought that someone would have to take on the role of being a spouse to me, a person who is still grieving, and to be the father to a son that is, by all rights, still grieving the loss of his father... boy, those are giant shoes to fill.
I have dated, though, honestly, only two people have been worthy of my attention, and one didn't really make it past the first... almost date.
I just haven't found someone that is really worthy of me. It took me a long time to feel like this. That I am just not going to settle for someone who is rude, disinterested, abusive, or anything else that would be a barrier to me being happy in my later years. I am finally putting myself first.
Is that wrong?
Ms. Fleet also wrote about another myth... that myth that a woman has "caught their limit" and should be resigned to living a life of widowhood... I don't know where this came from, but I have met women that are destined to living alone... because they don't want to remarry.
Granted, a few of them are widowed after years and years of marriage. My nanny, who was neither my nanny or any relation to me, had been married for more than fifty years, she never remarried. My aunt was widowed after fifty years of marriage, she never remarried... I get that.
I get the idea of loving and missing your spouse so much that you just don't want to marry yet... but for women that are pretty young, the idea of not marrying because of some social or religious myth that it is just not good... eh, I guess to each his own, but my reasoning is just to not be stuck with someone that I think will fill a void.
This is the biggest reason. I don't want to 'fill a void'. I want to marry because the person is going to 'complete me' or at least compliment me.
Really?
Yes, this is what some people think. Myself? I don't think you can ever forget or stop loving someone that you have been married to, ever... I was married before and divorced. That in itself is a touchy subject to many... but because I got divorced doesn't mean that I didn't or don't love my ex. Seriously, you don't just stop loving someone, even if they do really bad things and you begin to hate them enough to divorce them... you still love them. You still have that past with them...
I think Ms. Fleet said it well when she wrote about this myth:
"(it) implies that once remarried, the life previously lived somehow fades into oblivion because the widowed has now found new life with a new love in it."
This is so true, I know other widows that are remarried and still grieving. They are probably grieving just as much as I am. I wonder how it is with their current spouses. Do they feel jealousy? Would I be able to be a spouse to someone who was grieving the loss of a wife? I would love that person because they are holding that love close to their hearts, but at the same time, I probably would have some jealousy.
Petty to say that, but it is the truth for me.
I haven't remarried yet. I still hold out the possibility, but it is really slight. Don't get me wrong, I am not currently seeking a new spouse, but I am not adverse to the thought of finding someone that I would want to marry. But boy, they would have to be pretty special. The thought that someone would have to take on the role of being a spouse to me, a person who is still grieving, and to be the father to a son that is, by all rights, still grieving the loss of his father... boy, those are giant shoes to fill.
I have dated, though, honestly, only two people have been worthy of my attention, and one didn't really make it past the first... almost date.
I just haven't found someone that is really worthy of me. It took me a long time to feel like this. That I am just not going to settle for someone who is rude, disinterested, abusive, or anything else that would be a barrier to me being happy in my later years. I am finally putting myself first.
Is that wrong?
Ms. Fleet also wrote about another myth... that myth that a woman has "caught their limit" and should be resigned to living a life of widowhood... I don't know where this came from, but I have met women that are destined to living alone... because they don't want to remarry.
Granted, a few of them are widowed after years and years of marriage. My nanny, who was neither my nanny or any relation to me, had been married for more than fifty years, she never remarried. My aunt was widowed after fifty years of marriage, she never remarried... I get that.
I get the idea of loving and missing your spouse so much that you just don't want to marry yet... but for women that are pretty young, the idea of not marrying because of some social or religious myth that it is just not good... eh, I guess to each his own, but my reasoning is just to not be stuck with someone that I think will fill a void.
This is the biggest reason. I don't want to 'fill a void'. I want to marry because the person is going to 'complete me' or at least compliment me.
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