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Thursday, October 11, 2018

October 11, What do buy to wear for a funeral?

Two days before the funeral of my husband, I found myself standing in the middle of Ross thinking... how should I dress? All of a sudden, it was so real that I was about to bury my husband. How could I be shopping? I quickly grabbed a dress and thrust it at the attendant, went into the dressing room and cried.

Those were my first public tears. Not so public, but I was heard, which was enough public for me. The attendant came to the door and asked if I was okay. I sniffled loudly and told her yes... give me a minute.
One of my nieces called me, asking if I needed anything, I told her where I was and she told me to wait for  a bit and she would be there.

Sure enough, Amanda came to my rescue. I was lost and alone, and she came to help me. I just didn't know that it would hit me that hard, not knowing what to buy. I had gained weight  from the last pregnancy, and hadn't lost it, I had been sick, exhausted, and just too busy to care, and I just couldn't fit into any of my clothes. I didn't have any dresses that weren't skin tight, and I couldn't risk busting a seam during a funeral.

If I had not had that phone call, I don't know if I would have made it out of the store. Probably not out of the stall... surely there is a reason for everything. That phone call saved me. Sometimes, that is what we all need, someone to call us, to ask... just to be there.

I picked out a dark blue suit. Luckily there was something in my size, and I didn't have to look too far. I thanked my niece, I don't know if she ever has known the scope of what she did that day, but it was honestly one of those times that just having someone near was what  it took for me to pull myself together...

 I still wear that suit, and it reminds me of my husband.

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