When my father died, I suppose that I only let in enough to comprehend what had happened, and not much else. I think I blocked out the reality, the distinct danger the family was in, the certain physical and mental adjustments that would have to be made, and what would happen to us, as a family on the whole as well as our little nucleus of family.
My young brain wouldn't be able to understand most of that. I didn't get that we would be without an income, without that income, we would have to surely sell our home and move. I just couldn't think of any of the physical necessities. I really don't think that my mother was able to either.
Denial helps the mind. The process of denial actually gives the mind time to cope. We can pace our feelings through denial, allowing only enough in that we can handle. I don't believe that my mother was allowed to just deny. She was given medication to calm her down, to make her sleep, to 'help' her get through this time... she subsequently didn't remember much.
When my husband passed, I was asked if I wanted anything to 'help' me... I politely said no. I didn't want to forget, I didn't want to miss that part of what I believe was so necessary. I needed to be able to think, to allow in what I could process.
Psalm 43 verse 5- Why my soul are you downcast?
measuring the ability to cope with grief, everyone is different, each individual has a different set of experiences, in life, in thought processes, each person had different ways of handling emotions, so there is not a set time, a set way to grieve.
I needed that pain, to make it real.
Not everyone has the chance to have 'experience' with a sudden loss. Not everyone has the opportunity to be able to stop friends and loved ones from pushing to have medication, to have well meaning friends and family to say and do things that are detrimental to the children. My mother, bless her heart, was literally 'out of it' for a week or more. I don't think she had the opportunity to think, to reflect, to pray, to do anything with a clear head, not that you can have a clear head at a time like that, but that clarity that is there without medication.
I had lost a spouse, not just a friend or loved one, but my 'soulmate'. It seemed that we were destined to meet, to marry, and to have children. How could he be gone? I don't remember thinking he was not dead, but I did deny the scope of it. I did deny that things were truly topsy turvy. I dealt with the family, friends, the funeral directions, and stupid decisions, like what in the world should I wear? How will the kids dress? Is there enough toilet paper in the house?
My young brain wouldn't be able to understand most of that. I didn't get that we would be without an income, without that income, we would have to surely sell our home and move. I just couldn't think of any of the physical necessities. I really don't think that my mother was able to either.
Denial helps the mind. The process of denial actually gives the mind time to cope. We can pace our feelings through denial, allowing only enough in that we can handle. I don't believe that my mother was allowed to just deny. She was given medication to calm her down, to make her sleep, to 'help' her get through this time... she subsequently didn't remember much.
When my husband passed, I was asked if I wanted anything to 'help' me... I politely said no. I didn't want to forget, I didn't want to miss that part of what I believe was so necessary. I needed to be able to think, to allow in what I could process.
Psalm 43 verse 5- Why my soul are you downcast?
measuring the ability to cope with grief, everyone is different, each individual has a different set of experiences, in life, in thought processes, each person had different ways of handling emotions, so there is not a set time, a set way to grieve.
I needed that pain, to make it real.
Not everyone has the chance to have 'experience' with a sudden loss. Not everyone has the opportunity to be able to stop friends and loved ones from pushing to have medication, to have well meaning friends and family to say and do things that are detrimental to the children. My mother, bless her heart, was literally 'out of it' for a week or more. I don't think she had the opportunity to think, to reflect, to pray, to do anything with a clear head, not that you can have a clear head at a time like that, but that clarity that is there without medication.
I had lost a spouse, not just a friend or loved one, but my 'soulmate'. It seemed that we were destined to meet, to marry, and to have children. How could he be gone? I don't remember thinking he was not dead, but I did deny the scope of it. I did deny that things were truly topsy turvy. I dealt with the family, friends, the funeral directions, and stupid decisions, like what in the world should I wear? How will the kids dress? Is there enough toilet paper in the house?
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