October 7, Native American Coping with Grief

Boy, when I say this is hard, I truly mean it. My emotions are all over the place, so I read a lot today.  The first thing I really read while researching about helping with grief was,  "Death and Bereavement Among the Lakota -- They Walk On" written by Dr. Marilyn A. Mendoza Ph.D.  This article was really comforting to me, even though I have studied about grief, about the stages, and about how you 'should' handle the death of loved ones, none of the books or articles really hit home until I read this one.

You probably know the stages of grief, according to Recovering from grief. com there are seven,

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Grief
3. Anger
4. Depression and Detachment
5.  Upward Turn
6. Reconstruction
7. Acceptance

 I am pretty sure that the pain and grief go on throughout the whole process, the anger does as well, depression can last for decades, the reconstruction... that one is the kicker. If you are left a widow, then you must, especially if you have young children, you absolutely must start that reconstruction right away. You do not have the luxury to wait until you get going on the Upward Turn...

So, how do the Lakota handle the death of a loved one? Do they go through the same processes as described above?

First, I would have to say yes, ... then no.  When a loved one dies, there is a belief that they do not die, but are still on a 'journey'.  Is this a denial? Is this a way of thinking that will allow the people that have been left behind, stay hopeful, stay positive about their own lives?

This belief, as many others in the Native American belief system, is parallel to the Christian belief that there is a heaven, and that if you believe in Jesus Christ, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit, and have asked for forgiveness of sins, then you will live forever.

This is to some, a point of derision for people who are non-Christian. I have heard people say that the belief in God is tied up in bedtime stories and the fear of death. Maybe there is a reason that there are so many religions that are based on the same or very similar beliefs... maybe they are true.


 Jack Kornfield, a Buddhist practitioner, stated,  “Lakota grief was something to be valued. It brought a person closer to God. For when a person has suffered great loss and was grieving, they were considered ‘the most holy.’  Their prayers were believed to be especially powerful and others would ask the grievers to pray on their behalf.”

This is an idea that may be, in part, very hard to understand, but the Bible states that God is a merciful God. That he hears the prayers of the bereaved. Psalm 34:18 states: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.