To tell the truth, this journey has been a lifetime journey. My grief and sorrow have followed me from childhood.
At 5 I saw a young girl struck by a car and killed, at 6 my nanny died (she was neither my nanny nor any relation to me but a very dear friend of the family), at 7 my grandpa died, at 8 my aunt and cousin were killed in a car wreck, and from there, friends, family, loved ones passed away right and left. It seemed that you only got over the last and then the next died...
As a child, you take these things with sorrow, with pain, and with a sense of loss, but you don't really understand the meaning, at least I didn't. I just couldn't fathom the actual death. The physical, yes, but I never really thought that people just ceased to be.
Childish as that seems, maybe it is the truth? I do not know, and so far, no one has ever been able to tell me if this is possible or not, so I believe. I believe that there is something more. There is some consciousness, some realm or plane that there is some conscious being.
So, as a child, I was shaped by the loss of people. Not just close, but the periphery of friends as well. My parents were very social, my father and mother both had friends that they mingled with, so there was a large group of friends, from all sorts of backgrounds that we met. When you have a large number of friends, there is always a proportionate number of deaths to deal with.
Of all the friends and family, the toughest was my father. He died when I was 14. I can say he died rather easily... it is the truth that is so very hard to explain, so very hard to accept. And, it is probably, if in truth that you look at it, is probably what shaped my whole life after that point.
I say that my father died because it is so much easier than the truth, and it takes less explanation. Because if people know the truth, they are more likely to want to know details. They are shocked, sad, sorry, and all those things that people go through when you tell them the truth....
At 5 I saw a young girl struck by a car and killed, at 6 my nanny died (she was neither my nanny nor any relation to me but a very dear friend of the family), at 7 my grandpa died, at 8 my aunt and cousin were killed in a car wreck, and from there, friends, family, loved ones passed away right and left. It seemed that you only got over the last and then the next died...
As a child, you take these things with sorrow, with pain, and with a sense of loss, but you don't really understand the meaning, at least I didn't. I just couldn't fathom the actual death. The physical, yes, but I never really thought that people just ceased to be.
Childish as that seems, maybe it is the truth? I do not know, and so far, no one has ever been able to tell me if this is possible or not, so I believe. I believe that there is something more. There is some consciousness, some realm or plane that there is some conscious being.
So, as a child, I was shaped by the loss of people. Not just close, but the periphery of friends as well. My parents were very social, my father and mother both had friends that they mingled with, so there was a large group of friends, from all sorts of backgrounds that we met. When you have a large number of friends, there is always a proportionate number of deaths to deal with.
Of all the friends and family, the toughest was my father. He died when I was 14. I can say he died rather easily... it is the truth that is so very hard to explain, so very hard to accept. And, it is probably, if in truth that you look at it, is probably what shaped my whole life after that point.
I say that my father died because it is so much easier than the truth, and it takes less explanation. Because if people know the truth, they are more likely to want to know details. They are shocked, sad, sorry, and all those things that people go through when you tell them the truth....
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